As a parent of the new Year 7 intake, I recently attended a parent event where the school’s ‘Consequence’ system was explained; non-compliant children spending the day in ‘reflection’ (AKA isolation, let’s be honest) was justified as ‘preparation for the adult world’.

I asked if it worked; do children actually learn the desired skills from their confinement?
The answer, if I’m being diplomatic, was that the approach is ‘inconclusive’.

I do appreciate that it would be much easier for schools – and children – if the curriculum included modules to teach the skills that children are then sanctioned for not possessing: planning and organisation, time-keeping, impulse-control, communication etc.

But equally, has anyone in history ever meaningfully learned a skill (because, neurologically, ‘fear of consequence’ is a far cry from ‘learning’) by being punished for not yet having done so?

Children are not the problem.
The problem is that the world – not just education systems – has lost touch with the fact that childhood is not merely an 18 year training programme of ‘readiness’; for school, for exams, for the workplace, future uncertainty and global crisis, and good forbid ‘adulthood’.

The problem is expecting young, immature and inexperienced humans to be equipped with adult skills, when by and large, they are simply doing the best they can in a world designed by grown-ups, for grown-ups.

Skills, by nature, are learned; unlike physical growth, they aren’t just a by-product of age.
And that’s deceptive because, while bodily change is a one-way, often rapid, trajectory, social and emotional change is not.
For that, children are at the mercy of very complex brain development – especially during the adolescent years – and that’s a different beast entirely.

Acquiring skills is primarily about fortune; whether you’re born into and raised in a conducive environment, or have a neurotype that can learn and apply them is mostly a matter of luck.

But poor sleep, dehydration, diet, stress, trauma and various other factors all compromise the capacity of any brain to execute the task at hand, at the required moment.
In our own moments of frustration or tiredness, how easily do we forget that we, as adults, have difficult days, or feel defeated, or just don’t always function at our most effective?

Unfortunately, the reality is that many practitioners, educators in particular, are essentially tasked with fast-tracking childhood in ways that Mother Nature does not accommodate for.
Because ‘growing up’ is designed to be a painfully slow process; the brain is still maturing until it’s around 30 years old.

But all is not lost. There are simple ways we can work with, not against, children’s development, and their innate desire to connect the 100 billion neurons that their developing brains are born with:

Always meet brains where they are whenever you can. Because whatever the intention or rationale, you can’t force a square peg into a round hole; unready and poorly equipped brains just don’t achieve ‘readiness’ that way.
If anything, any ‘I can’t’ beliefs that these children already have just become more cemented in. Nobody wins.

Focus on mastery, nor memory. Knowing ‘what to do’ can be very far removed from genuinely practicing the doing.
The brain’s primary memory bank is not even in the area of the brain that learns.
AKA the neo-cortex, this part of the brain needs routine, rhythm and rehearsal, on repeat.
And not just for a day, or a week; neuronal pathways don’t have a ‘finish line’. But they do love the ‘four R’s’.

Conducive vs Contradictory conditions? If the ‘consequences’ aren’t leading to the desired change, the chances are that even more of what’s not working won’t either.
If the aim, for example, is for an uncontrolled child to learn better self-control, sanctions which render them powerless are only helping them fail.
When we change our approach, so the ‘consequences’ help them to apply, practice and master self-control, then the child can change. That’s when ‘consequences’ work. Everyone wins ☺️

PS) If your team need to know more about young brain development, details on The Developing Brain, The Adolescent Brain and The Vulnerable Brain CPD is here.